The Journey Home to Myself
I understand what it’s like to feel stuck in patterns you can’t seem to shift. To know intellectually what needs to change, but find yourself repeating the same reactions, the same choices, the same feelings – over and over.
For me, those patterns started early. I left home at sixteen, already struggling with depression, anxiety, and ways of coping that weren’t serving me. For years, I survived, but I wasn’t healing. I was running on survival strategies that had become outdated – protective mechanisms that no longer fit the life I was trying to build.
When I had my son at thirty, everything changed. I knew I needed to heal myself – not just for me, but to break the cycle and be the mother he deserved. I stopped drinking, found a Jungian psychotherapist, and life brought me to Cambridge Steiner School (now Waldorf Cambridge) – a place that would become a turning point.
Discovering My Gifts
My son attended the school, and I began working there, eventually leading parent-child groups. The school’s approach included spiritual development alongside human development, which helped me begin to make sense of my experiences. I trained in Holistic Baby and Child Care, combining Steiner and Pikler approaches.
Over those years, through my counselling sessions, I began to understand how my experiences had shaped me. I was unpicking what was mine and what wasn’t – the beliefs I’d absorbed, the patterns I’d learned, the ways I’d adapted to stay safe or get love. My feelings of self-worth grew. And working with families, I discovered something unexpected – I had a natural empathy and capacity for supporting others holistically. Before this, I hadn’t believed I was very worthy or had anything to give.
The Missing Pieces
Meanwhile, I was learning about how our bodies hold our experiences – not just in our minds, but in our physical selves. I had tried many times to make yoga and meditation a daily practice but just couldn’t stick with it. Trying to meditate and feeling like I couldn’t was just more food for my ‘not good enough’ story.
While still at the school, I had a transformative experience listening to a recording of singing bowls – my body found a state of relaxation I’d never experienced, and my mind found peace. I trained in gong baths and began holding monthly sessions, witnessing how sound could create the conditions for deep healing.
Finding My Path
Around the same time, shamanism kept appearing in my life. I googled “shamanic counsellor,” wondering if such a thing existed, and quickly found Christine Holt’s profile. I instantly resonated with her approach and began working with her as a client.
Over time, I was observing shifts in my deeply embedded patterns of behaviour. I was also learning to journey – something I had convinced myself I couldn’t do because I don’t have an inner visual capacity.
When my son and I left the school in 2021, I found nannying work with families I’d known from there. In 2022, Christine invited me to join her Somatic Shamanism training, and in October 2023, I qualified. This was it. This brought together everything I’d been searching for: the body, the psyche, and the spirit.
While continuing to nanny, I began taking on my own somatic shamanism clients, building my practice session by session.
Where I Am Now
In early 2026, my nannying work is coming to an end – what I now see as divine timing, creating the space for me to fully commit to the work I’m truly meant to be doing.
I’ve chosen to pause my gong bath work for now to focus entirely on somatic shamanism as my sole practice. My own healing journey – through therapy, spiritual exploration, sound healing, and finally somatic shamanism – has prepared me for this work in ways I couldn’t have planned.
I know what it’s like to repeat patterns you hate, to understand something intellectually but still be trapped by it emotionally. I know what it’s like when your body holds what your mind can’t quite reach. I know what it’s like to need healing that goes deeper than words.
Now I hold space for others on their journey home to themselves – not because I have all the answers, but because I know the territory. I continue to do my own deep inner work, understanding that healing isn’t a destination but an ongoing practice. I’ve walked this path, and I’m honoured to walk alongside others as they find their way.